The Power of How

This is my first attempt at blogging and I'm realizing that it's really more for me than anyone. To put words on paper, if this can really be considered that. I'm really not sure I want anyone reading what is inside my head right now anyway. As a busy Mom of 3 young kids, I find time to read when I can. My choice of reading is often based on recommendation by friends. Quite some time ago, I bought the book: The Power of Now. As I try to "enlighten" myself and live more positively, I figured this book could help me do both of those things. Why then, is it that the book still sits unopened on my nightstand? I've even succumbed to the Twighlight series and obsessions and several other light mindless reading, but I can't convince myself to read something that could potentially change my direction. So, I sit today and wonder about the power of how.

This has been a challenging year for me on a personal level. A constant state of self evaluation and reflection. With unhealthy and unhappy family dynamics outside of my house that tend to drag me into dark rooms and short fuses, I've been working daily to keep myself in check. I remind myself daily that I have many things to be thankful for, many things. But somehow, my head and my heart hurt. I'm lonely, sad and mad at myself that I can't just snap out of it. I understand depression is chemical and have tried medication impatiently and unsuccessfully in these last few months. The sun is out today, my kids are healthy and happy and my husband has just left town for the week. Now is my chance to start turning up rocks to find the power to change. I want to be happy. I want to live a more healthy and fulfilling life. It's up to me to create my own personal peace and whether it begins with that self-help book I've been avoiding or just taking my kids out for an ice cream after school...it's up to me to make the day smile.